I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?