I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun