Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.