I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
