Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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