when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize