You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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