Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
