Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
