I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
