Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
