it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
