I wannas sexs uuuuu
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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