After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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