Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
