There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
