Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
