Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
