Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
