i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
