hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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