Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
