The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
