drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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