you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
