my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she looked like the before picture.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
