We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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