I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
