i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
