My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
