so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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