I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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