i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
