never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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