Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
