I'm going to jail i love you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
