honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
