If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
