We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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