I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
