she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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