I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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