Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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