HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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