Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
