Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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