Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
