Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
