he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
