he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
