if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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