you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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