my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
