Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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