No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
