she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
