She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She said her name was "party"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
