Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Less talking, more tequila
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
