Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize