i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
God, I missed his penis.
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