Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
