went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
