It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
