you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
