i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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