Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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