let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
