i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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