there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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