i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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