If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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