just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He did a backflip because drugs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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