you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
