It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
