My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
