he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you never un-have a 4some
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
