my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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