im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am naked and annoyed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
